Were you walking with the wounded or wounded while walking

I am unfixable so how did I get this way? Well searching for the “it” usually gets the same boring answer, the one that makes your mother cringe when you tell her you going to see a shrink, saying, “they are going to tell you it’s my fault” pauses for a moment and asks, “is it?”

Hmmm.

So years later it does eventually come down to the realization that—yeah it is her fault, your dad’s too, they each bring their own level of whack to your pre-verbal pure. Imbuing you with their fears and insecurities, which you go on to carefully craft into something uniquely yours and that you will pass on in some form to your own progeny. But it’s not really their fault because their parents gave it to them and your great-grand parents to your grandparents and all the way back to prehistoric man and if you want from multi-cell organisms to single cell creatures to the stardust in the primordial ooze.

This trans-generational transfer of fear and insecurity is simply based on the most primal instinct any living organism owns—survival---therefore the biggest fear any organism has is fear of annihilation-everything we do, all that we are, starts and ends with it.

Envision a prehistoric scene, a baby is laying in a cave on a fur of some sort, happy as its mother coddles it, now the moment the mother has to go off to tend to some other matter about the cave that baby is no longer the love object, that baby is food. So without her “love” i.e. protection-that baby is bear food and be sure that baby knows it-it’s instinct, it’s in there. That fear, that sense of insecurity is there, imprinted-on a cellular level, and it is not going away. That fear is in us, so really we are hardwired with 30,000 years of crazy that got us here.

The entire concept of Original Sin I am dirty because of Adam and Eve’s lapse, taken out of the biblical metaphor becomes a much more viable concept when creating a corollary to fear of annihilation as something that is carried in us from some genesis point-Eden or stardust-your call.

Now I’m not trying to assuage a millennia or so of Christian guilt, I am just positing a parallel theory that takes a provocative religious concept and tethers it to biological moorings. If Original Sin, or something that is in all of us, is really the instinct for survival manifesting itself most profoundly as fear of annihilation and fear of annihilation still lives at the bottom of every fear and therefore every action/reaction you display which colors a whole rainbow of mal-adaptive or crazy behavior.

So you are crazy, but it’s what got you this far, and yes, it is your mom’s fault.